Scraps of Love

For as long as I can remember, I’ve been a student of love. And by student, I mean, I’ve gobbled up bits and pieces of information from books, magazines, and the like, on what love might be – according to each individual author’s perspective.

I have assembled quite a collection of thoughts and theories on love – a few of my favorite passages on love are listed below:

Love lets go. Need holds on. This is the way you can tell the difference between need and love. Let go of expectation, let go of requirements and rules and regulations that you would impose on your loved ones. ~ Neale Donald Walsch

There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out all fear. ~ 1 John 4:18

The moment you have in your heart this extraordinary thing called love and feel the depth, the delight, the ecstasy of it, you will discover that for you the world is transformed. ~ Jiddu Krishnamurti

The heart is the place where we live our passions. It is frail and easily broken, but wonderfully resilient. There is no point in trying to deceive the heart. It depends upon our honesty for its survival. ~ Leo Buscaglia

Love means to commit oneself without guarantee, to give oneself completely in the hope that our love will produce love in the loved person. Love is an act of faith, and whoever is of little faith is also of little love. ~ Erich Fromm

Now, you might think that because I’ve been a student of love for so long, I must be pretty good at it by now. I wish I could say that was true. Though I think I do give it a valiant attempt, every day, and I do try to show love to everyone in my life – from friends, to my family, to strangers on the street – I hardly consider myself an expert.

And here’s why. In the pursuit of showing “perfect” love, I can honestly say that I’ve failed as many times as I have succeeded. For example, even though there have been countless times that I have strived to be more patient and loving, there are days when I am not quite patient enough. When someone in my life is going through a difficult time, I have tried to be a true friend, but I have ended up not spending quite “enough” time with them in their time of need. I have tried to hold no expectations of my loved ones, lest I burden them with even more obligations they have to meet, but still I have gone on expecting. And, lastly and most painfully for me to admit, there have been plenty of times I could have given more of myself – but because of time or whatever excuse, I ended up giving the recipient just “scraps” of my love.

I guess that’s why I always kind of fidget in my seat, at weddings, when this popular wedding bible verse is read:

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” ~ Corinthians 13:4-7

That is such a beautiful passage, and they are certainly beautiful “goals,” of sorts. It certainly sounds like perfect love, to me. But when I hear these words, I can’t help but think to myself, “I certainly could work on that one a little more.”

So, I have realized, while getting swept up in all of the warm and fuzzy notions of love, such as wonderment, amazement, hopes, dreams, and rainbows — that failure is just as much of a love as success. As much as I have good intentions, I continually fail, every day, in countless tiny and silent (or not so silent) ways.

But I think that it is all part of the process. While recognizing failure, I have tried not to dwell on it either. Because love is like a beautiful quilt – there are many pieces that make it up – none is more important than another. Sometimes the pieces are large and colorful, and sometimes they’re smaller and more muted, but each serves a very important purpose in the overall scheme of things.

I have decided that the important part is to keep trying. Every day, I give it another go. I ask myself, “What I can improve upon today? How can I do it better? Can I be more patient? Have I listened enough? Is anyone being forgotten …and if so, how do I fix that?”

And that striving – that continual searching while doling out my scraps – is my best attempt at expressing the love in my heart. Somedays, that’s just one square of the quilt – and some days it’s the whole quilt, maybe more.

But it is always what I have to give.

Copyright © 2011 Jill Farrand. All Rights Reserved.